Considerations No. 36

Today's considerations are about happiness and advice on how to be mentally and spiritually healthy. Recently, I talked to a friend who has schizophrenia or something like that. The funny thing is that I also have it, but we differ from each other, though not much. I experienced something, she still experiences it. Continuous fears, mood swings, lives in a different world , afraid of people. Most people will say abnormal, but this is not the case. It is a disease of the soul and mind that I condemned myself like I condemned many years ago. I will tell you how it was with me. I was a cheerful boy in my youth I did not care up to a point. I enjoyed life, I was happy. At one point in my life something happened, I began to avoid people, I closed myself in life. I believed that people are good, I believed in God that he was good and guided our lives so that nothing could happen to us, I believed in it very much. When something bad happened to me it changed. I stopped trusting people, I started to be afraid of them, I started to un hing. I closed myself and avoided people more and more. I saw the evil that surrounds me, every person was angry with me at some point. There were various reasons for evil, that they laughed, smiled, joked, didn't look like that, or raised their voices. Every louder sounds annoyed me, or sounds that I didn't recognize. Because of such behaviors, sounds I was afraid of the world and people. I began to have anxiety, doctors were loading me drugs that did not help at all. At one point I was so exhausted with life that I wanted to leave this world. I would never take my life because I never give up, but anxiety has increased my imagination who played tricks on me, as if telling me to take my own life before someone else took it from you, but I didn't give up, I fought to the end, I never broke on life and I didn't, I didn't get it, after what I went through. My imagination was giving me such tricks that it seemed to me that I was at war. I believed it so, as if this war really were, it was real to me and nobody would convince me that it was different. At one point when I was in the hospital it was loud at night, it seemed to me that more people were shouting outside, it seemed to me that the soldiers were beheading my family's heads and were about to cut me down. It was very real as if it were happening today but what do you think you would do in my place. At first I wanted to break the glass and take my life with a piece of glass, but after a while I told myself I would not give up I would fight even a hundred of these soldiers before I fell, I would not give up without a fight and fell asleep because I was so exhausted by this situation. On the second day I passed, but I barely survived that night. Someone with a weak character would take his own life. Today, I am hardly moved after such experiences. My disease would get worse even more because I was stupid with drugs and I did not know what was going on, but for half a year I discontinued medications, I didn't take any at all. However, my body was already addicted to medicines, I had to take even small amounts. You, when I didn't take medicines, I started to think normally, I don't think about medicines. I knew that it was the last bell for me because it would end up in a psychiatrician and I would finally stand as a vegetable. I was thinking how to solve and cope with the disease. I came to other conclusions that were important in my life. First of all, I looked inside myself and began to be honest with myself, really honest to the end, to the limit. I summarized my life and noticed many of my mistakes and knew when I made them. Man's biggest mistake is to believe that God will save us from everything, it is a mistake that will not save you, you are doomed to yourself, your life is not God. Another mistake I believed in good and good people. In the world there is neither good nor good people, they are only real and hypocritical people and those with human and animal reflexes. Those with animals must be isolated and locked up in psychiatric institutions or prisons and there to help them. First of all, you need to give them a wise psychologist, not a fool who just wants to earn some extra money. For 20 years of illness I have never talked to a psychologist, today I do not need anything anymore, I do better alone than with a psychologist. Another bad thing I did was believe in the good in the world and I was good to everyone, I helped as much as I could and nobody he did not help, I was hurt. Because of that, I felt sorry for people because I wanted everyone to be good, but it couldn't be done. This sorrow consumed me from the inside and broke down more and more, aroused fear and anxiety. Another mistake I made was living for others and worrying about others but not myself. Because of this, I didn't feel my worth, my life revolved around the lives of others instead of my life. This is how the world works, some live and enjoy life, while others live the life of others and are still depressed. I decided to fix my mistakes. I started by leaving the house, not with someone, but by myself. For example, to the cinema, then to a beer bar after the cinema, I felt better. The next step was to remove the grief that troubled me, my family and friends. My family treated me like a fool and psychic, so at Christmas I did a good job to show them what I could do, how I behave mentally. I got out of my parents, sisters and friends what was at heart, I dumped everyone from Facebook, until until I collect myself and end my regrets. Believe me it helped as he took it away, I feel no regret for anyone. I started to live my own life, worry about myself and not others. My life made sense, truth came into my life, not lies, my life gained clarity, I am happy, I feel good, my life has finally changed, I feel great. I don't feel any fear or fear of the next day, and it's not thanks to the doctors or medications, it's thanks to myself. I owe it to myself and my intelligence because I could get up and think about fixing mistakes. In my opinion, every psychological person needs a good psychologist, he did not go away, I did not even get going, I managed it myself. People who believe in good people and good in this world will eventually go crazy because they will have regrets that will devour them like me, later fears and fear of people will arise. This is how you fall into mental illness, first ordinary depression and it gets worse. You have to know that there are good people too, but don't believe it, that's my advice, because if you believe, you will be disappointed when someone hurts you and you have regrets, and then only a moment when you get depression that can get worse. First of all, you have to be honest with yourself and not lie to yourself. To have normal reflexes, if someone hurts you, it is from this police who will deal with the tort and you can not be afraid, because life is not about being afraid. You feel sorry for someone, win them over, tell them what is in your heart and close this chapter because it will follow you later for years. You solve all matters on a regular basis, you do not wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow may not come. Yes, every sick person can manage, you only have to want and decide something and do it for yourself, not for others. Often people are sick because of love, I know from each other. I loved the girl for these 20 years of illness, and she didn't even know it, when I started doing something for myself, I finally decided to say it to her and said, even on New Year's Eve I stated how I got drunk, although by text message, but always. So I closed the chapter with my many years of love who didn't even know about it. First of all, to get out of the disease you have to close the old chapters, close all regrets, dilemmas are what troubles us, but first you need to do an examination of conscience and talk honestly with each other. Then you will solve all your problems. The friend who is sick is still in the moment I was before. I tried to talk to her, I wanted to help her, I wanted her to understand something, help her, the drugs alone are not enough to help. You have to close old things from years ago, then you will feel in the right place in this world and be happy. Now she is not happy, I promised her that I would write it on the blog so that she could read what to follow in life, that she could also help herself and live in happiness. It is not money that gives happiness, only ourselves, caring for ourselves and worrying about myself not others. We are to be happy, not others. I am not worried about what others will say, for me what I think is important. I think I am a great guy and a man and very brave since I didn't take my life then and I was intelligent, because I managed the disease alone, not with the help of a psychologist or doctor. The doctor just writes me medicine, but I did all the work to help myself. I wish you that each of you would have so much strength and courage to help or help others, that's why I write this blog. I hope that today my reflections will help someone. Follow my instructions and you will be happy. Love is cool, but without reciprocity, it's better to be alone, you'll have less nerves and stress. So to say jokingly when it comes to sex with someone, sometimes it's better to count on your own than to get depressed. Love only with reciprocity and mutual respect. That would be enough today.

 

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02 March 2020

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