Considerations No. 39

How did I manage to reach normality? There were many paths, I had to do a lot. I had a big problem with love for one girl, I thought she was my ideal, but it wasn't like that at all. It was just a delusion and seeing all the good things I had with her. For years I was alone, I idealized this love and it wasn't perfect. I thought she was still waiting for me and I was waiting for her, how stupid. Sometimes I have a sixth sense, or maybe some supernatural abilities, I do not know and I do not understand it. When I was alone for a long time, I wanted to meet someone. I was a realist and I knew that if she lived far away I would not go to her first, I was just scared of people, I knew I would not do it. And so I dreamed that I would like to bear a girl from afar, to be able to go to her, to overcome my fears. My dream came true after a year, I met a girl on the Internet lived far away, about a thousand kilometers from me. If I would go to her probably not, probably the friendship would end. However, she was a brave girl, she came to me first, I liked it, I decided to go to her to visit her, but also to overcome my fears. I left the bus at 9am, I was there at 10pm, it was dark and no one was on the road, but she came out for me, it was nice because I didn't know the city, she didn't know mine either, I left too. This relationship didn't survive but distance was not the reason, rather other reasons. I was alone again and dreamed again, this time I dreamed of a unique girl who would be my ideal. Again a year has passed and I met again. It was just a coincidence, I ran an internet radio and took people on the radio, one of those people, and it was a girl who wanted to leave. She was so bad that she didn't want any trouble, but I didn't want to accept her departure, I didn't I will force nothing. She came to me with the admink of the radio she was going to, they wanted to explain, but I was not angry that she was leaving. That's how my acquaintance with this radio was established. Chemistry has emerged between us that is hard to describe. We had common themes, she helped me embrace the team I had on the radio. We often flirt because of emoticons in my chat because they were suggestive, they pointed to the closeness that connects us. Of course, my radio crew left, or rather I threw them out. The protagonists from my team became jealous, started arguing about nothing, did problems where they were not. I had to remove this team because it was toxic and wasted some nerves. That's how I got to know her. I have never met such a girl before, when I looked at her, I saw that she was my ideal, which I was looking for. Unfortunately, again the distance, in addition, she had a husband with whom she divorced, but he lived with her. At first I didn't mind. I liked the look, she ran the radio like me, so we had common themes, she made websites like me, another similarity, she even sang like me, because I also like to sing, she did it better, but it's important that something is done. We had a similar approach to life, she was able to deal with any problem like me. We had a lot of similarities, sometimes it even seemed to me that I look at her like a mirror and see myself. She was simply my ideal. Thanks to her, I healed myself of a sick love of the past, I did not know that such women exist, and yet they exist, it is hard to find and they are often busy, she was no longer. We met a little at the wrong time, or maybe a good one, because I had hard times in my life and I found out that I could trust her and count on her. We talked quite often, when I got to the hospital I just trusted her no one else. I wrote to her from the hospital, only she understood or tried to understand me. I came back from the hospital, but I felt connected with her, something connected us, we went through a little bit. I decided that I would try to be with her, I suggested it to her and she agreed. Was it the best time between us probably not, she was overworked with problems she could barely cope with and the ex-husband who sat at home. Better time was when we met, flirt, unambiguous chat emotions that we sent each other. It was a nice time and full of emotions, those positive emotions. Lots of warmth and eroticism that was in us like a volcano. It was a nice time and I remember it pleasantly. When we were together, I felt that we were moving away from each other instead of approaching, there was such a strange atmosphere, unnatural, not honest, from her and my side, instead of talking to each other we avoided this conversation. In the end I could not stand and split up. I think that the former husband of the situation was a pwood, but she could talk to me about it instead of avoiding conversation, she just sold me out, changed the subject. Probably it wasn't easy for her either, she had a lot of problems she had to deal with but I was far away and couldn't help. I felt a bit like the fifth wheel at the car, but I could not help it, I had to part because we would end up hurting ourselves. If I parted in anger no, I just left. Whether I was with her or not, she was special to me. She was the other half of me, she was like me, if you can hate yourself, rather not. I respected her as a man because she was a good person and she is. I still respect her, we are separated by distance, but we talk to each other, like two people who trust and respect each other. Thanks to her, I forgot about sick love and thanks to her I saw that my ideal can be found, sometimes you have to learn, and sometimes it is the case when we do not expect it. Thanks to it I came to normalcy in love, I solved other problems in a different way, but I already wrote about it. Sometimes we need another to get out of one love. That is why I say that one cannot close one love and many other things. You have to be open to people, to new acquaintances, but to appreciate these good and healthy acquaintances and the people we have next to you. So much today I wanted to say about love, sometimes sick love. Some say wedge, wedge and this is true, but not always, depending on the case. Thank you for your attention and best regards ...




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04 March 2020

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