Considerations No.71

Hello everyone and warmly, today it inspired me to the next entry. I will tell you a person, but there are many people like me. I am often asked why you are alone. People of your age have families, somebody told me that I'm picky, I guess, but who isn't, everyone has some minimum requirements. Why am I alone is easy because I had nowhere to meet someone. My friends turned away from me when I got sick, so I lost a lot of contacts. It's not easy to get new contacts when you don't have friends. I will not hack people on the street, where you can meet someone. I'll tell you usually through friends, at work or at parties. I didn't have friends anymore, I didn't care about them, they never visited me in the hospital, and they were close to me. I didn't go to work, I couldn't. I didn't go to parties either, you will ask why. I will tell you why, if you have a pension of PLN 300, where will you leave? I could choose, spend PLN 300 on events or buy something for myself. I preferred to buy something rather than a tip. My parents didn't give me any money because they didn't have them themselves, I had to rely on myself. I wasn't fit for work, I was barely alive, nor was I going to steal. The rent of PLN 300 was enough for, among others, cigarettes from the Russians, because the store was too expensive and I could buy something to wear or some equipment thanks to which I would survive this difficult time and not break even more. I played on the radio, it gave me pleasure, because although virtually I had contact with people and I could talk to someone. Years passed, and you know why, because I trusted people, friends from the Internet, doctors, family and parents. Nobody really helped me in any way. Doctors were loading drugs and I didn't know what was going on. Parents liked that their son is with them and will help in his old age. I couldn't do anything myself, I was so confused with drugs that I could not focus on anything, I did many things instinctively, but things cannot be reflexive. My parents thought that I should take care of myself, find myself and find myself at the age of forty, after taking my medication for six months and starting to think normally, and I realized that no one would help me and I could only count on myself. I trusted the doctors that they would give me drugs that would make me feel better, I was disappointed. I trusted my parents that they would somehow help me to get to my feet, I was disappointed too. I heard the words from the sisters that the thread would not support you, and I was also disappointed at such words, because I never asked them to support me. Friends from the internet only looked at how to make me feel disappointed. The love that I loved for many years, there was nothing to talk about with it, it just blocked me everywhere so I wouldn't talk to it, I was also disappointed. I didn't count on anyone anymore, I didn't have anyone anymore. I stopped taking my medication, closed old things, because at last I could think. I began to live anew for myself, not for others.
Today, when someone asks me why I am alone, I want to laugh. Today I am 44 years old whom I can meet, how I can arrange my life after such experiences. Who will I meet, a teenager who has her own world and friends, where I am looking for something to buy. Who is 30 years old for whom I am too old, I ask who. Maybe a 40-year-old girl who has her family, children, grandchildren, ex-husband behind her, you think that this is a good game, she would not have time for me, because she would be busy with children and grandchildren. More than once I hear conversations on Facebook, as chicks talk over and over about children and grandchildren, this is their life, where I have a place in it. Maybe I should look for her at 50 or 60 to keep her until old age and look after her, pay for her children or grandchildren, spend Christmas with her family and ex-husband, drunk. You think I want to push into such a mess. I have to eat my guts for someone else's children, and the thread is not appreciated anyway, I prefer to be alone. Maybe I have my world but it is mine, it is safe without nerves, noise and all this chaos that prevails in many people. My concern is myself, what I need in my life, only a job that I can support. I only miss this, nothing else. You tried to start a family with no job, good luck. I do not know what awaits me in life, maybe I will get involved with someone someday, but it must be the right person with whom I will be happy, who I can count on when I feel bad, who will talk to me and not take care of my children and grandchildren from a previous marriage and she will treat me like someone bringing home money. Thank you for such women, I don't need them. I want to be treated equally because I treat people that way. I see more than once how dorks on the internet make mega doubles of themselves to meet or sleep with someone. For them, sex is important, and in my opinion, orgasm is important in sex, everyone strives for it. You can achieve an orgasm on your own, in short, by masturbating. So why a woman to have a friend for good and bad and have someone to hug and talk to, sex is an addition. It's hard for people to get nervous without sex, so in my opinion they should masturbate when they have no one, so as not to get stupid.
I have arranged my life in such a way that I am not dependent on anyone, I only use that I can eat and sleep at my parents' house. I would also like to find a job to become more financially independent. In that case, I will be self-sufficient and do not need a crutch. It is too late to start a family for me, I can only find a partner with whom I will feel happy and she will feel happy. However, to find someone like that, you have to be a little lucky and meet people. At the moment I don't see anyone like that, so I'm alone. I have to tell you that I do not complain about loneliness at all, I feel good about it, at least no one breaks my nerves, and this is important to me, because I do not want to go to the hospital again, because someone broke my heart or made me mad. In my opinion, you have to find the right person, then we will be happy. So more or less why I am alone and probably many people are alone for this reason, maybe they just didn't experience what I did. I have been disappointed with so many women in my life that I don't want to do it again. You can be alone and have friends to have someone to talk to, it's always a substitute for a relationship, because that's what we expect from a relationship. Other things can be dealt with. If someone asks me why I am alone, I will be able to send it to him. I wrote this text so as not to explain my life to everyone. Now I have a pension of PLN 1000, this month I have a rate to pay off and my tooth is healed and I will have nothing left. You think that I should meet a woman and where I will go with her when I have no money, I will only tell you a walk, but which woman only counts for a walk, today everyone wants to go to a cafe, cinema or party, go on vacation together, preferably expensive and I'll pay the best for it. Now you know why I am alone. The main reason, because I don't have a job, and another one, that I don't need any idiot or dodger. I hope that I made it clear why I'm alone. Some of you are alone for similar reasons. Who has a woman, a guy who has money, if he has money, he even has a lover, not just a wife. However, I do not want such a life, I have my own rules and ideals. You have money today, you have a chick, if you don't grab her at a party, you will go to a brothel and have it, in most people's lives money matters, but not mine. For me, money is only needed to survive. For most, however, they are needed for a comfortable life. People become like wolves when they see money in someone else, they become like turnips that stick together. When a chick sees a guy's beautiful house, a great car and has a good salary above average, the chicks are sticky, they confess love themselves, they only humiliate themselves because they see money. If someone met another woman, it's his happiness. Women go either for cash or for a beautiful appearance. When he looks like an actor, they fly like bees to honey, I have experienced a lot in my life and I found out for myself. They say that the heart is important, the character, but they are associated with idiots who have money and who beat and bully them. Now I finish and have a nice evening.




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30 September 2020

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