Considerations No.75

Hello everyone, warmly, I have inspiration today, so I'm writing another story from my life. There was a time in my life that I was with different women. One stuck in my memory somewhere. We were together for a year and then broke up. I really wanted to be with her, but I had to forgive myself and she had to. I just cheated on her, she deserved it a bit, because she showed me that a disco is more important to her than me. I don't want to go into details of how it happened. I just wanted to kick back and I went to the wrong party and it happened, I really cared about it, I was serious about it. In fact, I was waiting for him to talk to you, maybe we'll get back together. However, it was so that we met, but the conversation was not pleasant. Why was that because I found out that someone was after me, instead of waiting to think and meet, give myself a chance. She went to another city, I had no contact with her. But there came a point where I wanted to talk to her and meet her when my emotions subsided. I called her, but her sister answered her, she only said that she was not there and she was unlikely to meet me. I wanted to invite her to a wedding that I was supposed to go to and talk to there, maybe it would come back to the memories of being together. Honestly, I was counting on it. The sister treated me very dully. It pissed me off, but what could I do. I had no contact with her. Later, however, I fell ill and felt crazy, I had a grudge against this sister. One day I just got in the car and drove to her without telling anyone where I was going. I was driving like crazy at high speed and against the tide at times. I was fed up with life, I didn't care for it then. I was just driving with the music coming from the speakers, I was rushing to it. I got there when it was dark, maybe it was raining lightly, but I don't remember it. I acted like a madman out of love. I pulled up, opened the trunk, and took out the wheel key. I swung and threw myself straight at the windows. I think they spilled, I got in the car slowly and drove away, even more pissed off. In fact, I took my anger out, albeit briefly. Now, looking at it, it's stupid to drive 80 km to break someone's window at home, but then I went crazy with love. Maybe I wouldn't go, but I found out that he had someone and that it was serious. When I was walking by the church, it seemed to me that the ringing bell at her wedding with another guy was finally somewhere. I almost went to church for someone else's wedding and would have interrupted the wedding even though she was not there. I saw her everywhere, it was sick love. It bothered me, only when I broke their window I calmed down. Coming back from her, some girls from the disco were standing and wanted a lift. I gave a lift, but I was driving like crazy, probably the second time they did not get into anyone after my ride. I came home late, went to sleep and forgot .. Later I found out that she got married and I gave it up because I don't get into relationships. I still loved her even though she had a family, but never tried to get in touch with her. For years I couldn't get in touch with anyone because I still loved her. No chick in my eyes was like her and was no match for her. This later I gave up on chicks because it didn't make sense since I still love her. Sometimes this love helped me get through difficult moments in life, but it did not allow myself to arrange my life because I lived in the past. I wanted to change that eventually. But to change something, I had to talk to her. For years I had no contact with her, but in the age of the Internet and Facebook, I found her. I was forty then. I finally talked to her. She told me that her dad had died, that her husband had beaten her and she divorced. The conversation was fun, but I messed it up a bit later, I became insistent. Eventually I was crazy again, I started to think her children were mine too, I said I wanted to see the kids. They're not really my kids, but I realized that later. Until I passed I thought they were my children and wanted to see and meet them. Once I went crazy, I went to the store to buy my favorite chocolates, I thought we would meet, I wanted to give her a treat. I stood in front of my block with chocolates and stood, someone finally called the police. The guests told me to go home, I insisted that as long as I did not talk to my wife, I would not go anywhere, I would stand there. They asked if I had a wife, finally it hit me and I say I don't know. But I did not come back home, they called an ambulance and took me to the hospital. I had to recover a bit, I finally left and still loved her. On New Year's Eve, I sent her a broadcast that I recorded for her. I left home to go to town. Some chick was walking, she came up to me, she started hugging me, she said something, but I had headphones on my ears, I could not hear anything, but I think she was making New Year's wishes. I drove into town, walked to bars and drank, finally came home. I lay down, found her profile and started writing to her. I wrote all sorts of nonsense, finally proposed to her, she did not reply to any word for me, maybe the profile was not active I don't know. For the first time in my life I proposed to someone, I even had a nice feeling then I wrote a lot of warm words. Later I apologized to her for everything I wrote and for my behavior. I gave up hope for everything. I tried to contact her later but I was already treating her like a friend. But she was fed up with me, just when I sent her something from my life blocked me, then I realized that she didn't care deeply about me, love left me at that moment, then I found out who I was to her. I finally recovered from my sick love. She is air to me now, just as I have been to her all these years. I wanted to describe this story so that you understand that it is not worth living in the past, dreams, loves of those who do not exist. You're just going to waste your life as I do a part of mine. Live what is here and now, what is happening right now. These are the people standing next to you, who are important to you, not someone else. With this accent I end my story, have a nice evening.

 

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07 October 2020

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